C'est la vie!

How you choose to live will define who you are.
The only question is.. who ARE you?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Joshua Matthew Roe.

Perhaps I read too much into our relationship.
Because I took only one thing from it.
You were the first and only man that I've ever loved.
And you cared for me dearly. This I know.

I was fifteen, you were eighteen.
You told me to wait for a few years.
I waited. I'm now nineteen. And you're gone.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to be alone.

From the moment I first met you.. I was starstruck.
With a head in the clouds, I was dangerous.
You made me fall in love with you.
Only thinking of how I could win your heart.
Thinking about how to get your attention. Your approval.
Your smile made my heart race.
Your laughter still haunts my dreams.
But it has a strange ring to it now. As though you're forcing it out.

I remember Alive Fest.
And the near tornado.
You trying to relieve my best friend's fear.
'Bond. James Bond. Over.. Bond. James Bond. Over.'
It hear you in my dreams. I hear laughter from Aaustin, myself, and your father.
I can see the wonderful smile playing on the corners of your mouth.
I see the chock of blue hair falling into your eyes.
The smile in your beautiful blue eyes.
I remember the way I fit so nicely into your body.
I was so alive then. Giddy, full of adoration.

And now you're gone. The blood halted in your veins.
The breath which filled you is still.
And I'm still breathing and going through each day.
It's not fair. I cannot do this without you.
But I am. I'm living, breathing, beating.

You cannot understand the pain you're inflicting on me.
I only wish you knew this one thing:
I loved you the minute I saw you.
And I will love you until the last breath has escaped my lips.
I love you, Joshua Matthew Roe. Rest in peace, love. Rest in peace.


your mother said...

Josh was my cousin. About once a month (used to be once an hour), I google search his name. It's beautiful to see how he's affected other people's lives.

Amber Scobie said...

Oh holy cow!
Dear Josh's cousin: I didn't even notice that you read my post and left a comment. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond!

I appreciate what you said.
And he did affect me. He was an awesome person!

Nikki said...

Hey Amber,
I'm a friend of Josh's. We met at Grand Valley and when it's ridiculously late at night and I can't sleep, usually Josh and I would hang out... well, now I find myself searching the internet for Josh and came across your poem and I absolutely LOVE IT. He still is such an incredible person. If you ever want to chat, I'm here!